In case you haven’t heard Gwyneth and Chris are no longer wearing each other’s rings. Gwyneth announced their separation by using the term ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ and since then people have gone nuts.
Not good nuts as in “Yay, lets support her, let’s support him.” It’s been more like “Who does she think she is?” kind of nuts.
I myself have never used the term ‘conscious uncoupling’ BUT I LIKE IT.
Having read the article I can now say that many moons ago I too experienced my very own “conscious uncoupling.”
TIME WAS MY GIFT
Taking the time to recover from the shock of potentially separating, becoming a single mother and worrying about finances, freaked the crap out of me 12 years ago.
Luckily for me we took our time to work through where we were at or should I say he allowed me the time to gather my unravelled self and put myself back together.
We planned for the future because we had two little ones.
We discussed our roles,
Luckily for me, we only parted when I was ready.
I felt supported and the future felt less scary.
My inner turmoil had a chance to quieten and even trust.
My 'CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING" took me two years.
Had he left when he first mentioned it I think I would have fallen apart, hated him, trust would have been broken and I know that had I would have entered a space where my deep primal fears would have kicked in big time.
I would have tried to protect myself in all of the wrong “I hate you” ways.
It woud have hurt deeply, painfully.
There would have been no chance of us creating the united family unit that we did. Or it would have taken forever with a crazy amount of hurt to work through.
HE HELD SPACE FOR ME
He held space for me while I adjusted my thoughts, my beliefs, the way I pictured and planned my future. Sure there were a few melt downs on my behalf along the way but I slowly adjusted to where he was already at.
I know that time and countless reasuring conversations is what has saved my family unit from the turmoil that I hear about every day.
I used to say that “The couple part of us may be over, but the family will always remain.”
He is my family.
We are a family.
NOT EVERYONE CAN DO THIS
- Sometimes the existing hurts are to great.
- Sometimes the person you are with is not someone you want in your life
- You can’t do ‘conscious uncoupling alone’
- You may want to but if your partner refuses to play nice you can’t play nice alone.
To me ‘conscious uncoupling’ means that two people are acknowledging that the main problem is that the other person is no longer the right person for them. Or perhaps one person feels that way but it affects the future pathway of both.
It means they are trying their very best to create a pathway forward that has the best possible chance of supporting the needs of all of the individuals involved at this time of great chance and in the future.
I think that how people are reacting to the Paltrow separation announcement is most probably a reflection of their own beliefs and past experiences or the fact that this Hollywood separation is not going to be very lucrative so they best find a way to suck the life out of it now.
HE WAS RIGHT
Well it’s true. Turns Out I was happier but I know that a part of that happiness stemmed from his ongoing support. Most people don’t have that and I really wish they did.
We might have sucked a little at the marriage bit but wow we have been awesome at the family bit!